So I’m driving down a 2 lane road here in So Cal this morning. It’s in a semi-rural residential area, but it’s decently wide with bike lanes properly striped. There’s not a lot of people who live directly off of this road, but it is a major thoroughfare from one part of the region to the other, so there’s a fair amount of traffic during rush hour periods. It’s right around 8 a.m., and traffic is moving at a typical 40 or so. Except in my lane. There’s one of those “cube” delivery trucks that mattress stores use, plodding along at 15-20 mph or so. The reason? There’s two bicyclists in the bike lane. Sort of. One is in the lane, and the other one is riding next to the first, IN THE FUCKING MAIN TRAFFIC LANE!!!! What in the holy fuck are you thinking?!? A regular car might have been able to squeeze by between the rider and the oncoming traffic, but this cube truck could only choose to hang over into the oncoming traffic or mow the rider down. Truth be told, I’m sure the driver gave the latter a thought.

Now, I was a pretty enthusiastic mountain biker back in the day, still have a Specialized Rock Hopper that I don’t ride nearly enough. I don’t really know road bikes, but these looked serious, and the riders had all the gear (imaginary road racing team jerseys, toe clips and clip shoes, etc.). In short, they looked like serious riders, ones who drive around with “Share the Road” stickers on their Subarus and Priuses, that go to City Council meetings to demand more bike lanes, and bicycle parking and shower facilities in new and/or public buildings, that blow through red lights because they would have to gear down and lose momentum if they did stop, and that give me dirty looks if I dare pull far enough into the intersection at the bottom of my freeway offramp to see, so as to block the sidewalk ramp going down to the bike lane. Those sanctimonious, self-righteous, holier-than-thou motherfuckers. Finally, oncoming traffic cleared and the truck was able to get around them. As I pulled abreast of them, I yelled at them to ride single file. They ignored me. If I wasn’t running late for work, I gave serious thought to chasing them down and really giving them a piece of my mind. So any of you bicycle riders out there (and this applies to roller-bladers, skateboarders, and even pedestrians walking on a fucking sidewalk, too), be aware of your surroundings. And if you’re riding/walking/skating/whatever next to your friend and you realize that there are people trying to just get around you and get on with their own lives, MOVE THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY!!!! People like you cause road rage, and in the battle of car vs. bicycle, the bike’s gonna lose, every fucking time. Rant over.